August 7, 2017 at 12:56 PM

there was a time when i was emotionally unfaithful to my boyfriend

with Boy who i thought i was in love with


and i was wrong

and i was stupid

i just wanted and liked the attention 


i didn’t feel loved by my boyfriend 

but i was wrong

and i was stupid 


my boyfriend moved to a new city for me

went through a lot of discomforting changes for me 

and we began to have tiny-big problems 

problems that we would never address


i wasn't giving him the attention he needed or deserved

i drained him of himself in that city

and i was falling out of love with him


but i cut Boy off and tried harder for my relationship 

and i was committed to making my relationship healthy again

and i did fall back in love with him

but truthfully 

it didn't work


because commitment is more than just a bye Boy but i'll text you occasionally to validate myself

more than just a hey babe how are you? 

good, and you?


it's more than just inviting you down for a week in the spring 

and then acting insane because i was depressed and wanted more from you

but not knowing what i actually wanted


boyfriend later broke up with me in the spring

his reasoning and approach was certainly ridiculous 

but what did i really want?


he fell out of love with me

and i was devastated

because why did i try so hard for him if i could’ve just lived happy with Boy?

and i love you i love you how can you do this to me?

and babe please just talk to me i know we can work this out 

and i'll do anything i just want you

and i tried so hard when i was falling out of love with you

please do the same for me

and i don't understand how you can move on so quickly 


but now i understand

and i never loved Boy

i just wanted boyfriend and i to be happy

so i tricked myself into false happiness with someone else


in hopes he would notice me slipping away 

in hopes he would tell me to come back


here is the story of my false love affair 

i am so sorry boyfriend 

and i am so sorry Boy